


the hanged man

by orphan_account



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Internal Conflict, Mental Instability, Other, after tokyo ghoul before tokyo ghoul re, investigator, training of some sort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-08 01:39:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4285740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>internal struggles can be difficult, everyone have something they are ashamed or even scared of, whta do you do when you can't find an answer?, do you give up? do you continue?, there is a dark realm between both of those options</p>
            </blockquote>





	the hanged man

_“The beast know neither fear nor lust of pursuit. Pressed against me it is happiest. It remains faithful to the family that brought it up. In that there is certainly no extraordinary mark of fidelity, but merely the true instinct of an animal […]”_

He read the short story around 100 times, the story is sad and made a lot of questions in his own head.

_“perhaps the beast just wants to live, perhaps the owner is overthinking the situation”_ he tough while drinking water _“perhaps the beast just wants to belong, an even if the animal doesn’t, why negate its existence, the poor ting deserves a chance to made a life, even as a half made thing”_

The young man couldn’t take its eyes out of the story, his existence was the same as the lamb/kitten, but he wanted to believe that it was just in a superficial way.

Then a knock on the door brought him back to reality, the handcuffs made their habitual noise when he stood up, something he got used by now.

“Good evening” the man on the door said, as polite as he could

“Good evening Arima” he answered, equally polite and a little bit more sincere “has it been approved yet?” the young man walked awkwardly back to where he was.

He sat in a generic bed, one compilation of several short stories on his side, and a couple of books on the floor

“It have in deed” the man answered, showing a little present he had brought “that’s why I brought you this one”

“Another compilation, am I sensing a patron in here?” he said, a kind smile on his face “if it wasn’t you, I would believe you don’t know how to pick a novel for me”

“You got me in there” Arima entered the room “it is a little hard to pick a specific genre for you, so compilations seem like a safer bet”

“Well… I don’t really mind, I enjoy the stories” he said “so… do I have to stay here another week?”

“You’re going to be translated to an apartment” Arima said “Mado Akira would be supervising you, instructing you, maybe if you improve fast you could get an apartment of your own”

“I don’t mind living with others” the young man admitted “it is quiet lonely to be by one self, the time I had been in here has been boring” he picked the books from the floor “I had read all this books at least twice, and the words and conversations in them kept me from losing my mind” a sad smile on his face “but I prefer human company” he said _“it doesn’t feel as lonely”_ he thought to himself

“you had only talked to me and a couple of medics that came from time to time” Arima said “and our conversations had never got beyond some books and a couple of awkward situations” Arima said “maybe that is the reason you feel so lonely in here”

The young man rub his neck while trying to not give direct eye contact with his sort of friend (at least while he was in cochlea), how the man knew his train of thought was beyond him, it was probably the obvious look on his face that gave him away

“Well… I don’t really know about loneliness, do I?” he said, now looking to the corner of the room “the loneliness I feel is from being in here, where I’m isolated, once I get to know people I’m sure thing would be different”

Arima just fixated his eyes on a particular book, once that he hadn’t brought

“well, I can’t assure you anything, you will have to work hard to know if you were right or not” Arima said, getting close to the younger man “loneliness is a really abstract concept, and everybody haves a different way of seeing it”

The young man felt nervous since his companion was getting close, but the white haired man just reached to the book that caught his attention

“This looks like an interesting one” he said, to which the younger man just let his breath out

“I got it from one of the doctors that came to cheek my blood” he said, his hand found a way to his chin “it is a good book, but I guess it’s not much of my style”

“Is that so?” Arima said, leaving the book where it was “it seemed interesting”

“It is to certain length” he said “I’m probably going to get more books once I’m out” he smiled.

After that the chat became more professional, talking about the risks that came from being an investigator, about certain guidelines and more importantly, about the young man eating schedule

“It would be twice every month, in here” Arima said

“In this same room?” he asked, if he was being honest to himself, returning to this place wasn’t something he was looking forward

“Not necessarily” Arima said, his legs a little tired from standing the whole time “the details aren’t clear”

“I had wonder ever since I eat in here…” the young man said, his expression distressed “had you kill humans to feed me?”

The room was silent, the implications of such methods are (in the best case) baffling, but the silence that came after it was offensive and concerning

“It is complicated” Arima admitted “to say it the short way, the ghouls at cochlea are being feed with the corpses of inmates that where sentenced to death”

“so that’s a yes” the young man rubbed his face with both of his hands, the not so shocking truth was that humans must die to keep his existence, he knew that was how nature worked for him but to hear the confirmation didn’t made him feel better

“ghouls exist to eat humans, that’s a fact that no one can deny” Arima said, his voice soft and somehow reassuring him “but no one chooses to be a ghoul” he said looking at the young man, that was just covering his face “us, investigators, like to believe that ghouls are the ultimate level of evil, vicious creatures that are less than human” he paused for a second “but the reality is other”

“If you believe this why are you a ghoul investigator?” the young man asked, he felt Arima was being acquiescent with him “isn’t it again your principles then?”

“No” Arima said, deadpan “ghouls should be exterminated, one truth doesn’t erase the other, so even if ghouls are similar to humans, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t kill them”

“We?” the young man said “am I already an investigator?”

“You are” Arima said “two truths that you can’t ignore, you are a half ghoul that consumes human flesh, but from today you’re also a ghoul investigator”

After he said that Arima proceeded to get out of the room, before finally leaving the young man to his own thoughts he faced him slightly

“The name you had been gave would be sasaki haise” Arima said looking directly at the young man “we both will be working in our spare time to improve your abilities, I will give you the details later this week” his final words.

Then Arima just walked out of the room, the silence was again noticeable, the young man thought about his name for a second _“so I’m sasaki haise… sa-sa-ki (to help people in kanji), what a name to live up for”_ he thought to himself, the loneliness eating him inside, the only thing that helped him distract himself was the new book, that he desperately read.

And he keep doing so, once he finish the book he read it again, and so with the others, until he found himself reading the same story over and over again, each time feeling more and more like the lamb/kitten _“if I’m the beast form the story, who is my owner, and who is the butcher knife?”_ He asked himself before falling asleep


End file.
